"all by myself."

 These were actually the first words I ever uttered as a child. . . some kids say, "mama," "daddy," or even "dinosaur." But My first words were "All by myself."

I guess I've always been immensely independent. I love being alone, self-sufficient, not needing help from anyone. . . but when I found (the boy who broke my heart. . . shall we give him a fictional name?? Let's call him "badger.") Badger, I allowed myself to need him. . . something I have never in my life allowed. I actually let him take care of me from time to time. . . I shared with him all of my deepest, darkest fears and longings, insecurities and neuroses.

But what happens when the rug is pulled out from beneath your feet? Well, I'm still figuring it out. How do I find my way back to "all by myself" . . .