and then on days like today . . .

I think I might actually be "too blue to fly" . . . my world caves in and all I can see is this vast emptiness . . . and endless and barren desert stretching on for leagues ahead . . . My very soul yearns and weeps for the losses that have gone before. Why does life have to hurt so much?

I miss Badger, and I keep wondering when I get to stop missing him. When does the longing for him end . . . or at least diminish? I feel so utterly and terribly alone. I spend my days surrounded by friends and colleagues, laughing and working together . . . and then I come home to my empty box (well, it's not empty: there's always my cat, Olive). . .

And on days like today . . . on lonely nights like tonight . . . I lose the desire to carry on. I don't want to do it all over again tomorrow. Pretending to be fine is killing me. The tears stream down my cheeks and I wonder . . . do you miss me, too?